Local couple Joshua Barns, 25, and Alexandra Evans, 22, were experiencing some relationship problems.
“Things were pretty bad.” Admitted Barns, smiling sheepishly at his girlfriend.
“Yeah,” Evans agreed. “It just seemed like there was no hope for us.”
When prompted, the now-stable couple went into detail about their problems.
“Well, it just seemed like we were always fighting. Not about anything in particular, just fighting about anything and everything. Whenever I came home, I felt like I was stepping into a boxing ring with Allie.”
“I hate to admit it, but it’s true. We were always at odds. Everything we said to one another smacked of bitterness and resentment, if we were even speaking to each other. Usually we would break long, uncomfortable silences with snippy, thinly veiled insults.” Alexandra confirmed her boyfriend’s claims.
The couple speculated on what exactly caused their three year relationship to fall apart. Alexandra cited her boyfriend’s emotional dependence on marijuana use and the fact that he had been unemployed for almost a year. Joshua responded by mentioning the deep, caustic resentment he felt toward Alexandra for forcing him to stay with her in Boston instead of taking a lucrative job offer across the country in Los Angeles.
But just when things seemed doomed, something amazing happened.
“I was reading an issue of Cosmo that was talking about relationship problems. It went through some boring cures we had already tried- talking to each other, being honest about what we truly want, doing what makes you the most happy. None of those were working out for us. Then it mentioned something we hadn’t tried. Anal. It seemed almost too good to be true.”
Joshua smiled knowingly. “I was skeptical, to be completely frank. We’d never done anal before and I really couldn’t see how it could repair the months of damage mutual emotional neglect had done. But then one night we both got drunk and said ‘fuck it, let’s give this a shot.'”
And give it a shot they did. After engaging in anal sex, things immediately turned around.
“It was amazing.” Alexandra beamed. “It was like all the tension in our relationship was gone as soon as he slipped into my butt.”
Joshua put his arm around his girlfriend. “I don’t know how to describe it. I think we just…pounded away all of the negativity.”
However, the couple made it clear that there are still issues between them.
“Oh, we still fight all the time.”
“All the time.” Alexandra repeated, nodding and smiling. “But now whenever we get into arguments, we just make up with anal sex. Then everything goes back to when we first met each other.”
“It really is a miracle cure.” said Joshua. “Way better than talking things out.”