Area Man Jay Burns, 28, returned home from work late yesterday afternoon looking forward to unwinding in front of the television with a joint between his lips.

He was unpleasantly surprised to find that while his stash was not gone, he knew that there was only going to be one more smoke session before he was completely dry.

"It was mostly shake, too, which is really just the worst."

“It’s mostly shake, too, which is really just the worst.”

Jay could recall how the majority of the weed had been smoked. “Yeah, I was pretty let down when I saw my stash. I forgot that me and my boy Jeff smoked a blunt the other night and used pretty much all of that eighth I got.”

He was disappointed because he had a particularly long day of work and was looking forward to getting insanely baked. “I was ready to take a gram to the dome. But that ain’t gonna happen. There’s barely enough for a bowl here, let alone a joint. And it’s mostly shake, too, which is really just the worst. I mean, yeah, it’ll get me high, but come on. What am I, a peasant?”

Weed experts examined his supply to confirm that it was, indeed, a weak-ass excuse for a bag, recommending for Burns to make use of a bong, or more ideally, a grav in order to maximize his level of highness.

At press time, Burns was smoking the measly ration of marijuana from his bowl while searching through his phone for his dealer’s number.